The Enigma of Michael
by GoodisRelative
Summary: This is a character piece where Michael is seen through his own eyes and the eyes of other characters in Section 1 as well as the author.


Before beginning this, one must understand the words written here. There is no story, although the words may be considered a story in themselves. They are, in this author's mind, more a vignette, a short sketch of a character by other characters and by the character. The characters are not strictly mine, and never will be by creation, but I think we all can agree they are a part of us, our hearts, our minds, our souls.

  
  


The Enigma of Michael

  
  


Michael himself......

He was darkness. He feared his soul forever dark. Section One created him, Dark Angel he had once went by. Those words were a good description of himself, but if given a choice, he would have called himself Devil, not Angel. There was no goodness in him and that thought scared him. His outward show of no emotion or reaction was a defense mechanism to the fear he felt, to the thought that he was completely darkness.

He lied as if it were the truth, and it was, to him, for him to tell a person. He killed on command and had no conscious. He did not decide life or death, he just carried out death as ordered. Innocent deaths, acceptable collateral, as long as the target was taken out. He showed no emotions, they were an unforgivable weakness. His ability to block out pain was unparalleled, as was his tolerance to pain and torture. In many aspects he could have been considered super human. He was well versed in the art of schooling emotions, of allowing no one to see how things affected him.

And then, he knew, was Nikita. She was never far from his mind, his thoughts. She was the only one who affected him truly, but no one knew that or would ever, especially her. She was a light in his darkness, a brilliant sun in his world of shadow. She was the only weakness he had, but she was his source of strength. She gave him back part of his soul. For her, he would give his life. He protected her for he needed her spirit, her light, her goodness and innocence to survive his world of shadow. He knew, in the far reaches of his mind, that he needed her love, but that thought he never admitted, even to his conscious mind. He never allowed himself to think of her beauty, her spirit or her soul too closely and especially his need for them. In the truth of his life, she was his life, his soul, his heart.

Since Simone had first died, he had thought the light in him was gone. When Simone truly died, he accepted the darkness as himself, but always there was the forbidden thought of Nikita and her light, his light. Michael couldn't or refused to see that in protecting Nikita, partly from herself and partly from Section, that there was a goodness in him, that his shadow world was not truly him, that the light of goodness still shown dimly in him.

  
  


Nikita......

He lied to her, he manipulated her, he aroused her, he confused her. He made her madder than hell and he hurt her, more than she cared to admit, with his lies, his ability to control her feelings, and his casual disregard for her feelings and the truth. She could hate him at times, if she didn't love him. She wanted to kill him at times, just as she wanted him to love her. She admired his ability to never let his emotions, reactions and thoughts show, but hated it when he used it on her. He was her mentor and her enemy, her almost friend and never lover.

She knew his tolerances for pain and torture and hated when he didn't take care of himself. It tore her up to see him in pain, to know he was injured severely and hear him say he was fine. She despised his ability to lie to her and make it seem the truth and to use her emotions against her, but she was learning from him too. His calm acceptance of innocent deaths ticked her off. His outward projected calm infuriated her, period.

She knew very little about him, but he knew a lot about her. He shared almost nothing. She had learned to distrust his show of emotions. She learned, or was starting to, to sense when he was lying or not telling her everything.

She wanted him. At times she wondered if he wanted her too. She wondered about him all the time. Who was the true Michael? What was he like? His wants, desires, likes and dislikes? His favorite color, it couldn't really be the black he wore all the time. She knew, had glimpsed once, that black was what he wore because that was how he saw himself, his soul. That was one thing she wished she could make him see. He was not all darkness. He was in part good, light. His world was one of shadow, by his choice, by circumstance, rather than by truth. She knew because he protected her from Operations and Section. There were times when she sensed things about him and wondered if he knew what she knew. She knew he did not mean for her to find out certain things.

In her own way she was beginning to come to the conclusions that she was his greatest weakness and his source of strength. She knew that Operations and Madeline tested them constantly, trying to figure out their relationship. Nikita knew they thought she was Michael's weakness. They did not yet know she was his strength.

In the three plus years they had known each other, Nikita had come to know that she loved Michael, in the way that she could love. When he freed her, he showed his heart, an unexpected revelation. When they had made love, before she returned to Section, he had shown her his heart again. When they returned to Section, once again he protected her, but again his heart was hidden. Inside Section, there could be no heart, love. It would be a weakness, one no one would tolerate. Nikita knew that, but she hated it and the need for it. She wanted to free Michael, she knew it was the only way she could make him see the goodness in him that he refused to see, but she often wondered if he could survive a world without Section.

  
  


Madeline......

Truth be known, he was an enigma to her. He frustrated her and he challenged her. He was the only one she could not figure out. There were times she could, but she had realized long ago that he let her figure him out. There were only two people who could get through his barriers. Simone had been one. The other was Nikita. She knew Michael's greatest and only weakness was Nikita. She was a bright ray of light in his darkened, shattered soul. Truth be told, Nikita was one of the few that had a soul. That, Madeline thought, was what attracted Michael to her. He survived Section by surrendering his, while she survived by keeping hers. He thrived by blocking his emotions, she thrived on hers. Nikita tried to hide or school them and she could to an extent, but she could not deny them like Michael could. They were a study in contrasts, each needing the other more than Michael or Nikita were willing to consciously admit.

What neither knew was that Madeline knew Nikita was Michael's strength. She had seen it during the six months Nikita had been free. She had known that Michael could not cancel Nikita. She had warned Operations that canceling Nikita would be Michael's undoing. She had been right. She had never voiced the fact that she knew Nikita had been freed and not a captive those six months and she never would. She knew in other ways, though. The way he watched over her when she was seriously injured. The way she stayed with him when he was too weak to refuse MedLab. The way both sought a tiny bit of comfort in the other's company.

Yes, she knew alright, that Nikita was Michael's only weakness and his strength. But he was also more than that. His abilities to control pain, to withstand torture, she knew were his response to Section training and life. His ability to control his emotions, reactions and thoughts were what intrigued her and annoyed her. Most of the time, he could keep all hidden from even her. Few times, his feelings for Nikita allowed her a glimpse of them.

She knew much, much more about his life than Nikita, Madeline knew, but she also knew that Nikita had more of a control over him. Madeline was in a way a mother figure to him. There were times she portrayed herself that way, and she knew he was a part of her heart, if she had one left.

  
  


Operations......

He was their best operative. He had been before Nikita, Operations recognized. With Nikita, he had become even better, but Michael had lost a part of himself, too, with her. He was no longer able to stay completely distanced from the mission when concerning Nikita. Without Nikita, he was of no use to anyone, let alone Section. That was demonstrated by her cancellation. Operations hated this connection, dependency, but he recognized its value and accepted it for now.

Operations liked Michael, valued his skills, envied them also. Michael reminded him of himself in younger years. Operations conceded that he had never been as good as Michael at such a young age, but he not had the heartache Michael had either. In many ways they were alike in their ability to manipulate and control. Operations knew that Michael would be the most likely one to take over when he was no longer fit to run Section.

Michael was a master manipulator, Operations knew. And he followed orders without a question. But, Operations knew, Michael was bending them slightly with Nikita. He wondered if Michael would be the best choice to follow in his footsteps. If something happened to Nikita, Michael would be lost. 

When he had ordered Nikita's cancellation, Michael had disregarded orders and freed her. Operations knew it. Operations had disregarded Madeline's advice. She had warned him that it would destroy Michael. It had. He could no longer function as he once had. Birkoff and Walter hated him, blamed him for Nikita's death. But none of that was what bothered Michael. Michael, still, had not known whether Nikita was alive or not. That, not knowing, is what did Michael in and the fact that his light was gone.

Operations now wondered if he had been correct in his training of Michael. He had created a man who was darkness, but he had not killed all the light in Michael's soul. He had shattered Michael's soul, but there was a little left. Nikita showed him that. Nikita's light helped Michael's grow. Michael would never let it grow much, he did not think it was there or that it could flourish, he was too trained in the darkness for that. But Operations wondered. Simone had destroyed the last of his soul, but Nikita was giving it back to him. Michael would never allow it to grow again, he could not risk the pain again of loosing. Operations hoped he was right in that thought.

Operations knew Michael and everyone would be surprised at what he knew and saw and he smiled at that thought and ended his thoughts on Michael.

  
  


Walter......

Before Nikita's cancellation, Walter had seen the bond they shared. He had marveled at Michael's abilities. He had comforted Nikita when Michael had gone too far. He cursed Michael and he envied him. Even if Michael didn't know it, he had Nikita's heart.

Then came Nikita's cancellation. Walter had been amazed at the calm Michael had shown when he forced them to let Nikita die in the explosion. Then Walter's anger came. Nikita had trusted Michael, them, and he had destroyed that. Walter tormented Michael when ever he had the chance. He dismissed the thoughts that Michael had been following Operation's orders and that Nikita had screwed up more than Michael could protect her. He had smiled at Michael's misery. For once in the boy's life, everyone could see his anguish in his eyes. Walter could almost feel sympathy for Michael, if he had not seen the cold, calm way he had let Nikita die.

Then Nikita came back and Walter was forced to see what had truly happened. Michael had made sure that no one really knew that Nikita had been free, but Walter had figured it out after his shock had worn off. Michael and Walter both knew that some suspected. He saw then the truth of the six months Nikita was gone. Michael's anguish was understood. Walter knew his anger and hatred had been misplaced. Michael had saved Nikita, had given her her one wish and risked his greatest punishment to free Nikita. He had sentenced himself to a life without Nikita and that punishment was the worst imaginable for Michael. Cancellation would have been a reprieve for him. And without knowing if she was alive or dead, if what he had done had worked, there could be no greater pain for Michael. For once in his life, Michael had shown his heart. And for once in his life, Walter apologized.

  
  


Birkoff......

Michael, in Birkoff's estimation, was a cold man. He killed without conscious. He controlled pain, emotions, thoughts and people impossibly well. He could manipulate almost anyone. His cancellation of Nikita was, though, unforgivable. He had killed the only good in Section. And when Nikita was found alive, Birkoff attributed it to the fact that Michael had miscalculated. He did not see what Michael had actually done. Michael had hidden the truth too well. Birkoff did not understand how Nikita and Michael could go back to their old relationship, but they had. Sometimes he wondered if he was missing a vital part of the picture, but he dismissed the thought. Instead, he was just glad that the life of Section was back.

  
  


The author......

Now, all the previous words were, of course, mine. They were how I thought each character perceived Michael. I gathered the thoughts from fan fiction and a few episodes that I have seen, for in truth, I have seen only three or so. The above and below were a combination of series truth and the truth as different fans see it. But here was my own opinion of Michael, as perceived by me and not how I felt another character perceived him.

Michael feared he was evil, that his soul, the tiny fraction that was left after his years at Section and after Simone was darkness. That was before Nikita. What he refused to consciously see most of the time was that Nikita, with her light, was slowly showing him that he was not truly darkness. Michael admitted, to himself anyway, that Nikita was his strength and his weakness. She was a light in his darkness. What he could not face was that he was not darkness and shadow. Because of her light, his was shining, albeit dimly, again. Slowly Nikita was showing him that his chosen world of shadow was not truly his. For shadow could not exist without light and light could not exist without shadow and darkness. They were a representation of yin and yang. Goodness could not exist without a little bit of evil. The same was true with evil and darkness. In all evil, there was a small bit of good. Michael saw himself as evil or darkness and Nikita as the bit of light and goodness that allowed him to exist.

His reaction to the killing and the orders he was given was to become emotionless and controlling of every part of himself. With Nikita, he could not control everything, his every reaction and thought and so he tried, succeeding, in hurting her for every bit of weakness and lack of control he showed.

He was amazed at Nikita's ability to keep her soul, emotions and still survive Section. She kept a part of her innocence, no matter what she did. How she was able to do that baffled him. Her break down that lead to her cancellation demonstrated to him that her way was not an option, but a death sentence. But her return to save him and then to Section did not fit in his reality of her. She was different now, but the same. She again became his life line.

  
  


An Add-on as Season two continues....

  
  


Michael himself......

He was letting his emotions for Nikita rule his thoughts and actions. He could no longer control them completely. He hated himself for it. And he knew he was pushing Nikita away. He hurt her more each day he denied them and soon he knew she would be lost to him. He wondered if he had already lost her. Because, although he hated Jurgen and was jealous of him, Jurgen had made him consciously realize that he loved Nikita with the last of his heart and soul and he needed her to be whole.

  
  


Nikita......

Had they actually made love or had he let her have his body? Had they connected or was it just another manipulation? She didn't understand him anymore. She had come back for him, only for him. He knew that. She would have sworn that he cared, but now, after this week, she had to wonder. He wouldn't touch her, kiss her, look at her. He wouldn't let her in. It was worse than before she had been free. At least then he had let her inside his mind once in a while, even if it was only a mistake. He had excuses, Section-- Operations and Madeline would know. They were valid, in a way, but he was harsh in his denial of their feelings, desires. But if this was all one big manipulation, she didn't understand why. Michael would be canceled if Operations knew he had freed her and not canceled her all those months ago or that she hadn't been held prisoner and tortured. Because she knew that Operations had ordered her canceled. That part of all this was a fact. He would never have let her be free for six months, even for some ulterior motive. Michael seemed to be risking everything for their chance to be together, yet he denied them being together.

Nikita understood he felt that he wasn't worthy of love, her love. That he felt he was darkness and no longer deserved love. She knew he tried to make himself and others believe that, but she saw through it. He had a big hart, she had seen it! (She kept telling herself she had, hoping it was the truth.) He protected her, he freed her, and he protected others that he considered friends, like Walter and Birkoff, even if they did hate him for her supposed cancellation.

Then there was his distrust of Jurgen. She was no longer naive enough to think he had protected them for nothing, but Michael thought he was waiting to use that power he had over them. Nikita didn't think so. He was different, different than Michael in some ways, yet alike too in many others. It was a strange relationship that the three of them were forced into. Michael hated it, Nikita knew, because he could not control it.

This time, though, with Michael's words "Get over it!" he had gone too far. Before, although each slight, each lie and manipulation, hurt and was a bit harder to forgive, she always had. They had been for her good, her protection and the good, in a way of Section. She chalked it up to Section training. This time was different. She couldn't forgive, not fully, and she sure as hell couldn't forget.

Nikita wondered if Michael even knew, even saw the slight difference in her. She knew the longer he pushed her away, the more the hurt would grow. But again came that fleeting thought. Did he even care? Was he capable of caring? What was going on?

She knew that her relationship with Jurgen was making him angry. But she could no longer tell truth from lie, and she wondered if she cared. She no longer could trust her heart when it came to Michael, either. He had hurt her too many times. 

  
  


Madeline......

He was jealous of Jurgen and Nikita's relationship. That was obvious, to her anyway. She had to wonder if it had been wise to give Nikita to Jurgen for retraining. Michael, for once, could not completely control all of his emotions. Was she destroying a good team by having Jurgen in the middle? Was she destroying Michael by driving a wedge between Michael and Nikita? For once in her life, Madeline wasn't sure just what to do, how to manipulate them.


End file.
